Saturday Night Pity Party

Crap.

I hate venting about trivial matters of the heart.  I consider myself a strong woman with a fairly good head on my shoulders but I guess I’m looking for someone to hold up a mirror and tell me what I already know to be true about myself.  It happened again today.  A man I seriously sparked with- I’m talking MAJOR sparks here– a few months ago (which for me comes along every once in a blue moon- it’s like a friggen’ shooting star) told me he can’t see me because then he’d just want to “be” with me but it wouldn’t be fair to someone else.  What?!!  Why do I always find out there’s someone else the day they don’t want to see me anymore.  I have had more men work through their moral dilemmas out on me in the midst of my falling for them then I can count.  Ouch.  If there were such a thing as a morality free zone (other than NYC), I’d say that’s where these men tend to vacation.  Oh wait.  I live in New York.  Shit.

Of course, almost all of these people are still friends of mine to this day.  Some of them might in fact be reading this post right now.  Over the years I have received an impressive collection of post-trauma apologies and thank-you-for-being-so-cool-and-understanding-you-are-so-beautiful-and-amazing-and-any-guy-would-be-lucky-to-have-you notes and phone calls.  I could write a book.  Maybe I will.  Or maybe I’ll just become a Buddhist Nun and then no one will have the privilege of feeling lucky, myself included.

Take pity on me.  The party is in Astoria tonight.  Twilight’s on the tele and I’m making popcorn.  Ha!  Maybe that’s the problem.  I should be watching Annie Hall.

Sadly yours,

Leah Joy, the Zenful (heart broken) Blogger

4 thoughts on “Saturday Night Pity Party

  1. God, Leah.

    I wish I knew what to say or tell you or do to make it better, but I can’t. don’t know how.

    I’m thinkin the next time on a date or just before one, you mighty ask if there is anyone in his life that he has ties to or something to that effect.

    I’d also get busy with your Passion. Truly involved.

  2. Oh man, I’m sorry you’re going through this (again!). Cliche though it may be – a) he doesn’t deserve you, b) you will meet the person who does eventually – and it will be worth the wait, and c) in the meantime you are learning and growing on your own – which can also be richly rewarding and valuable.

    All that said….these men suck and it stinks that you are hurting. Much love and hugs. Xoxoxoox

    Christina Hill

  3. My heart goes out to you kiddo. You are resilient and these experiences will only make your beautiful heart bigger and stronger. The luckiest man in the world simply hasn’t been found by you yet ; )

  4. Thanks Dad, BBB and Stina. You’re kind words put a smile on this girl’s face. I’m quite forthright and make sure to ask the “right” questions right up front. Unfortunately, few take that as a sign to answer back honestly. I get the sense that often, they don’t even know their own truths and like to work it on out whilst wasting my time. Oh well. Keep on keepin’ on, right? Right. 🙂

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