Being consistent with anything other than eating and sleeping (and a few other human necessities) has been a challenge for me since I can remember. My brain just doesn’t seem to want to commit to anything longer-term than the time it takes to boil an egg. If I “get crazy”, I’ll poach the egg, but that’s really the extent of my commitment. Certainly don’t ask me to whip the egg whites into peaks. That would involve minutes of my time that I’d never get back and what would I do with the eggs then? They would obviously lead to an even bigger commitment such as a cake. But tonight’s post isn’t just about my lack of commitment to eggs.
When I launched the Middle Path Makeover Project with the promise to follow through on an entire list of daily to-dos AND blog about it for 129 days straight I got really freaked out. Actually, in the beginning I felt really excited and motivated for the first couple of days. The next emotion that came up was anger and resentment. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? It’s not like I’m sitting around doing nothing. Where will I find all this time to be consistent? I work. A lot! I’m married! I have plants! I have artistic talents to express and friends and family to express them to! But then my dear, wise Dad still says “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” (Thanks Dad.) But he’s right. He’s always right. It’s so annoying. 🙂 At this point, I’ve been able to get past most of the anger.
Now I find myself entering the unchartered waters of a new emotion that comes with following through on a commitment of consistency. Fear. And it’s pretty real. What if I run out of things to say? What if I start repeating myself. What if starting tomorrow all the remaining 110 blog posts were all identical to each other? That would actually be a little weird and creepy. But still, what if everything I posted became so disinteresting? What does that mean? As I ask that last question, the answer is already forming: It means I’m being consistent. It means I’m “showing up” to do the work and if the work looks the same as it did the day before than that is perfectly fine. Knowing that makes me feel a little less scared.
So if there’s anyone out there reading along tonight, I will be showing up tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that, etc., etc. I hope you will too.
Leah Joy, The Zenful Blogger